On being a soldier

I was wondering the other day what kind of soldier I am. Then I did some thinking.

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I’m not much of a warrior unless you count contests fought over streams of binary data. I’m a veteran of those and have won and lost many battles. I can shoot a number of different types of weapons accurately but have no desire to kill anyone by aiming my bullet stream at them. I would much rather try and talk to them about why it is we’re fighting. But some people have no interest in talking. These I would kill if directly threatened.

I know how to follow orders but often wonder why they’ve been given and have an innate need to understand the logic behind a thing before I will do it with all my heart and mind. This must be of constant irritation to my commanders. I would guess that from their perspective the soldier who just does it is much easier to deal with than the soldier who constantly asks why. I can type 100 words a minute when I’m typing from my mind but I slow down to 60 words a minute when I’m retyping something someone else has given me.

Some soldiers want to be in the thick of the action all the time. I prefer to stay as far away as I can. The action is where people get killed. I’m not sure if I am a coward but I certainly enjoy being alive. On the other hand, some fights must be fought. I think that is why I am here in this dangerous country. I think this fight needs to be fought. I don’t want to die here though. Memories cannot speak for themselves, they must be intrepreted by others. I don’t want to be intrepreted by others. I prefer to speak for myself.

I’m at my best when discussing ideas with a friend. I don’t need much of a social life, and therefore don’t make friends easily. I’m more comfortable alone in a room with a book than I am in a noisy crowd. Boastful people annoy the hell out of me. So do arrogant people. I cannot stomach bullies and I won’t tolerate rudeness. I try to pick and choose my battles so I’ll win most of them. I’m old enough to realize that I am not immortal and young enough to want to live forever.

I believe that a civilized man is worth more than a savage and sometimes I can tell the difference between the two. I am an idealist and a pragmatist. One day, if we don’t destroy ourselves first, humans will evolve beyond physical war. For right now though, I am a soldier doing my best to defend what I love – my life, my belief system and my loved ones. I will not sit in a hole cowering while the world goes to hell.

Now you know what kind of soldier I am.

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