Update from the Green Zone

Life goes on inside the Green Zone.

In the few days since Abu Musab al-Zarqawi went to meet Satan (it’s my preference to believe that is what happened), things have been relatively hectic. Since I work in public affairs, we have been busy. The web site I maintain on behalf of the coalition experienced a spike in traffic to five times the norm. This caused some headaches for the tech staff back in D.C., I’m quite sure.

It also caused those of us here in Baghdad to run around like chickens with our heads cut off. If you have never worked in what I call media misadventures, the modus operandi is multiple bosses for every tech worker. When anything truly significant (like Zarqawi’s timely demise) happens there is a chain reaction.

If you have ever seen a human pyramid forming, try to imagine the reverse. What would happen if all the people at the bottom of the pyramid demanded that the pyramid reverse itself, so that you would end up with 16 or so people stacked up on the shoulders of just one person in tiers. That is military public affairs. For every competent tech worker there are three useless soldiers who just take up space and a minimum of six idea men of the rank of captain or higher.

All of these people except the technical person spend their time saying things like “wouldn’t it be great if. . .” and “you know what would be neat. . .” The tech guy is the only person who has any clue how to make these wonderful ideas emerge from the birth canal of the master brain where they originated so they can be disseminated to other human beings around the globe.

And that is why I have purple bags under my eyes. I am the tech - the lonely bastion of technical competence in a world of people who have only recently learned the power of information that can be stored and moved around rapidly as 0s and 1s.
When I return to civilization, I plan on punching anyone who begins a sentence with “Wouldn’t in be great if,” directly in whichever eye is closer to my fist.

To all of you back home who have recently sent tea, postcards, snacks, books, magazines and other little trinkets - thank you. You’ve managed to help me hang on to sanity by a small thread. I will make an exception for you folks. You guys are great.