MOONFALL, a gloriously stupid waste of a film that really hits the mark

Sometimes when I go to the movies, I just want to see stuff explode really good. At Roland Emmerich moon fall, many and many things do just that, and it’s rather glorious, but it’s also largely incomprehensible garbage on such a large scale that it’s almost awe-inspiring in its abject disregard for and rejection of logic and craftsmanship. But damn, who am I kidding, I don’t care how bad a movie is, you tell me the moon is about to crash into the earth and I’m in it.

A pre-credits flashback introduces us to stranded astronaut Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson) and his navigator Jocinda Fowler (Halle Berry) in the midst of a heartbreaking space disaster. While on a moonwalk with a fellow astronaut, Harper sees something attack their ship, sending her fellow astronaut hurtling through the depths of space, destined for a cold, lonely death. Shattered by the loss and psychologically scarred by what he has seen, Harper retires from life as an astronaut, turning into a recluse. Fowl, on the other hand, rises through the NASA ranks ignoring his past, but the two are destined to meet again.

One day, out of the blue, the moon begins to drastically alter its orbit, spiraling into a cataclysmic collision with Earth. In three weeks. Who are you gonna call?

I’ll give you a guess.

It’s a setup we’ve all seen a million times before. An existential threat arises, and only a ragtag group of losers/has-beens/nobodies can save the world. We know Harper and Fowler, but the wildcard is KC Houseman (John Bradley), a conspiracy nut who thinks there’s something more to this sudden calamity, and it has something to do with megastructures – I swear, if you made a drinking game on how many times that nonsense word is said in moon fallyou would be dead in an hour.

Which makes moon fall different is that he is bravely and brazenly ridiculous at every available opportunity. Whenever a logical or sensible decision could be made, moon fall says, “Aim for that, make it dumber!”, and we, as a movie-going audience, are all the better for it. It’s an absolute mess that wouldn’t stand up to more than a moment’s scrutiny, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t glued to my seat wondering where this apocalyptic clusterfuck was going next.

Emmerich makes a kind of film, this one. His previous directorial adventuresIndependence Day and Two days later, took similar global threats and turned them into rousing celebrations of humanity’s superiority over all possible enemies, whether extraterrestrial or natural in origin. In moon fallit sort of does both, adopting tropes largely coined by ’70s disaster kingpin Irwin Allen (Poseidon’s Adventure, the swarm, The infernal tower) and giving them a modern, larger-than-life update. Corrupt government officials seeking to bomb the moon? To verify. A fractured family looking to reunite? To verify. An ordinary asshole who knows more than the experts? To verify. It’s all there, predictable and unpredictable and this is perhaps his most ambitious storyline yet.

moon fall is a logically bad movie, but it’s too sure of itself to be charming. The second half reveals the true nature of the moon – which I won’t spoil because I want you to have this joy for yourself – is so crazy and convoluted and illogical that I couldn’t help but blurt out a chuckle when it happened. I seriously wanted to give the screen a big thumbs up and say, “Hats off to you, movie, you really did it this time.”

At two o’clock, the film is split very distinctly down the middle into two very different halves. The first is the build-up to Harper, Fowler, and Houseman’s attempt to save the world. It’s a lot of bureaucracy, showmanship that the world is in shambles after only weeks of knowing of his impending demise, a bit of character work and a lot of pseudoscientific piffle that will likely send Neil DeGrasse Tyson to the front seat of his van to film an angry reaction on TikTok before he could say “megastructureist” (Drink!).

However, when that second half arrives, the moon fall the beat really drops, and it drops hard. Not only do the heroic trio pilot a half-crappy, barely operational, decommissioned space shuttle emblazoned with the graffiti tagline “Fuck the Moon,” but we also get some of the most visually confusing CG action sequences I’ve ever attempted. wrap my head around. It’s like a live-action version of the Lord & Miller Lego movies, with a Will Arnett look-alike in Wilson, it’s like Emmerich saw the main building sequences in The Lego Movie and thought, “I can do that, but dumber”, and he wildly succeeds.

The film claims to have big philosophical and topical concerns to go along with its ‘splosions’, but it’s all a lie. moon fall is the very definition of emphasis; extremely convoluted, noisy as hell, and completely devoid of any real meaning, and that’s fine with me. This is by far the most absurd movie I’ve seen in a long time, and I saw a man strap a queen bee to his testicles in Fooled forever just the night before.

moon fall is certainly not a guaranteed crowd pleaser, for all the joy I derive from its belligerence towards logic, I am well aware that I am only a small subset of the action fanbase of science fiction. It’s too long, most of the dialogue is hot garbage, and the storytelling and pacing are all over the place; in short, it’s a disaster. But for some reason, Wilson, Berry, and Houseman go all in on this bullshit, and despite its flaws, I still love it. God help me, I love moon fall.

moon fall

  • Spenser–Cohen
  • Roland Emmerich
  • Harald Kloser
To throw
  • Halle Berry
  • Patrick Wilson
  • John Bradley

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